


Corrupted Carols: Death Eater Style

by FawkesyLady (Tarma)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Christmas Filk, Christmas Music, Community: MyWitch25Days, Corrupted Carols, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-21 16:14:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 1,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17046821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarma/pseuds/FawkesyLady
Summary: A Few Songs, Just for FunHPFC Hogwarts for the HolidaysBetaed by primarily thepurplewombat and Havelocked.





	1. Blood Will Flow

##  **Blood Will Flow**

By Dolohov and Lord Voldemort

 

_ Dolohov: _

 

Oh the world's a mess, it’s frightful

But our task is so delightful

Hexes and mistletoe

Blood will flow, blood will flow, blood will flow

 

We have no reason for stoppin'

To us, the Purebloods are flockin'   


The Ministry bows down low   


Blood will flow, blood will flow, blood will flow

 

All people will praise The Dark Lord

Or die in defiance painfully

Wizards should be worshipped, adored   


Magic must reign rightfully 

 

This pyre is slowly dyin', 

My brothers, we're still goodbyin'   


Morsmordre assures they know

Blood will flow, blood will flow, blood will flow   
  


 

_ Lord Voldemort: _

 

Time for us to step out of shadow

Wizards must rule like long ago   


Ring in a new order, 

cast away status quo

Bring me Harry Potter

"Blood must flow, blood must flow, blood must flow.”

 

Forget Dumbledore   


That meddlesome fraud is done for 

His fried chicken club I'll  _ Evanesco _

Mark my words, "Blood will flow, Blood will flow.”

 

My manifesto won't be stifled

Legitimately insightful 

The Wizarding World shall know

Blood will flow, blood will flow, blood will flow   
  


I have no intention of stoppin'

Join me, all Purebloods are flockin'   


The Ministry bows down low   


Blood will flow, blood will flow, blood will flow

 

 

_ Dolohov _

 

When they crown king, Voldemort

We Death Eaters will shout joyfully

Wizards should be worshipped, adored   


Magic at last to reign rightfully    
  


This pyre is slowly dyin', 

My brothers, we're still goodbyin'   


Morsmordre assures they know

Blood must flow, blood must flow, blood must flow   


 

 


	2. Hog's Head Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is after "The Boar's Head," which I had to sing every year in college. Believe it or not, quite happy memory. Anyway, search Chieftans, The Boar's Head if you are curious.

##  **Hog’s Head Song**

Sung by All The Death Eaters except Snape (who is too important to join them on a whiskey run.) 

 

The Hog’s Head we attend with glee

To relieve malaise with Firewhiskey.

And Tuesday Snape, I’ll repay your money

_Quot estis in convivio_ (Translation: As many as are in the feast)

 

**CHORUS**

_Caput apri_ _abeamus_  (Translation: The boar's head let’s go)

_Laudes tenebris Dominus_ (Translation: Praise the Dark Lord)

 

The Hog's Head, as I understand,

Serves the cheapest swill in all the land,

Abeforth’s bedeck'd it with gay garlands

Let us _mingit cum cantico_. (Translation: Let us piss with a song)

 

**CHORUS**

_Caput apri_ _abeamus_

(Translation: The boar's head let’s go)

_Laudes tenebris Dominus_ (Translation: Praise the Dark Lord)

 

The Dark Lord will share his bliss

When Potter gets a Dementor’s Kiss;

Or Nagini swallows him with a hiss

_In Voldemortse atrio_.

 

**CHORUS**

_Caput apri_ _abeamus_ (Translation: The boar's head let’s go)

_Laudes tenebris Dominus_ (Translation: Praise the Dark Lord)

 

 


	3. O Little Town of Hangleton

##  **O Little Town of Hangleton**

 

O little town of Hangleton   
How dark we see thee lie   
Above thy deep and helpless sleep   
Death Eaters silently fly   
  


In thy dark streets shineth   
Quick death’s emerald Light   
The hopes and cheer for all your years   
Perish in thee tonight   
  


Our Lord was born of Mariope   
Destined heir to Slytherin  
Traitors flew, Believers knew   
When our Dark Marks did burn

   
An oracle hidden in secret  
Fortold his holy rebirth  
We pay court to Lord Voldemort  
He shall rule all men on earth  
  


In a Graveyard of Hangleton   
Father’s bone, freed from the grave    
Cast in Servant’s limb, Foe’s blood from him   
Ressurected by his faithful conclave   
  


Go forth oh loyal Death Eaters   
The glad tidings report   
He returned to us, revived for us   
Our Dark Lord, Voldemort


	4. Voldemort Rock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by Havelocked

##  **Voldemort rock**

By Walden McNair

 

Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldemort rock   
Dark curses fling, Unforgivables zing   
Men, women, and kids scream, watch them all run   
Now the muggle hunt has begun   
  


Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldemort rock   
Death Eaters mime in Voldemort time   
Dancing and prancing in Voldemort Square   
In the deadly air   
  


What a bright time, it's the right time   
To revel our night away   
Voldemort time is a swell time   
To crawl, bleeding towards your death-day  


Giddy-up thestral steed, pick up your feet   
Murder around the clock   
Commit manslaughter to the jingling beat   
That's the Voldemort rock   
  


Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldemort rock   
Death Eaters mime in Voldemort time   
Dancing and prancing in Voldemort Square   
In the deadly air   
  


Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldemort rock   
Dark curses fling, Unforgivables zing   
Men, women, and kids scream, watch them all run   
Now the muggle hunt has begun

 

Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldemort rock   
Death Eaters mime in Voldemort time   
Dancing and prancing in Voldemort Square   
In the deadly air   
  


What a bright time, it's the right time   
To revel our night away   
Voldemort time is a swell time   
To kneel bleeding, it’s your death-day

  


Giddy-up thestral steed, pick up your feet   
Murder around the clock   
Commit manslaughter to the jingling beat   
That's the Voldemort rock   
  
That's the Voldemort   
That's the Voldemort (rock)   
  


Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldemort rock   
Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldemort rock   
Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldemort rock   
  


Go!

 

 


	5. Luna Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this one is overtly sexual. Skip it if you don't like that sort of thing.  
> Also, Luna/Lucius in this case in my head is happening like a decade after the war, so it is NOT underage.   
> Yeah I know, that would make Lucius not a Death Eater any longer, but he's still enough of a villain to co-opt a muggle Christmas Song for his own nefarious purposes.

##  Luna Baby

By Lucius Malfoy

 

Luna, baby, slip a nip under the tree for me   
Been an awful good boy   
Luna baby, let’s try chimney sweeping tonight   
Luna baby, we’ll drink from your shoe, Krug Brut   
You intoxicate me, dear   
Luna baby, so slither into my sheets naked tonight   
  


Think of all the dark urges left unfulfilled   
Think of all the muggles that I haven't killed   
Next year could be oh so good   
If we keep checking off that Kinks Worklist   
  


Luna baby, I get so hot, you crazy crackpot   
You’re an angel all year   
Luna baby, shimmy into my sheets naked tonight   
Luna honey if you’re feeling shy, just tie    
Me up with silk knots   
Luna baby, please come to bed naked tonight 

 

Luna cutie, chase away my Wrackspurts, immerse

Your perfect tits in Chablis    
Luna cutie, slip into my sheets naked tonight   
Come and lick my Christmas tree   
Have you ever wanted to menage of three   
Purely do I love you   
I hope you trust in me   
  


Luna baby, forgot to don one little thing, cock-ring

Want to play my trombone?   
Luna baby, come with me in silk sheets naked tonight    
So join me in our sheets, naked tonight    
Naked, tonight

 

 


	6. You're A Mean One, Mr Snape (Grinch)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I imagine Bellatrix performing this at the Death Eater Christmas Pageant.

##  You're A Mean One, Mr Snape (Grinch)

 

You're a mean one, Mr. Snape

You really are a brute

You're as cuddly as Devil’s Snare

You're as slimy as a newt, Mr. Snape!

You're a gnawing flobberworm

Spoiling my mandrake root!

  
  


You're a monster, Mr. Snape

Your heart's a gaping hole

Your brain would scare a boggart

Your halitosis has killed a troll, Mr. Snape!

Your bloodline is proof

We need drastic population control!

  
  


You're a vile one, Mr. Snape

You have chipfurzles in your smile

You have all the tender sweetness

of a blast-ended skrewt, Mr. Snape!

Forced to choose between the two of you

With the skrewt I’ll reconcile!

 

You're a foul one, Mr. Snape

Your hair drips with nasty spunk

Your heart’s emptier than unwashed cauldrons

Your soul’s infested with hinkypunks, Mr. Snape!

The three words that best describe you

Are as follows, and I quote:

"Greasy"

"Slimy"

"Gunk"!

 

You’re not wanted, Mr. Snape

You're worse than Bertie Botts

Your heart's a pit of despair

Full of sickly evil thoughts, Mr. Snape!

Your soul is the devil’s distillery   

Overflowing with the worse collection

Of deplorable swill conceived,

Steeped in chamber pots!

 

You amuse me, Mr. Snape.

With bitter humour oh so coarse

You're a crooked jester molester

An entertaining tour de force, Mr. Snape!

You’re rated five-star 

In imaginative student torture

Who needs a St Andrew’s Cross?

 

 


	7. You're A Sweet One, Professor Snape (Grinch)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay... so I know this is Death Eater Carols and Hermione's not a Death Eater. But she might be drooling after one. [Inspired by this performance.](https://youtu.be/kQb0DJZLhRM)

##  You’re A Sweet One, Professor Snape

 

You're a sweet one, Professor Snape   
You really are quite nice   
You're as cuddly as a kitten   
You're as pure as Edelweiss, Professor Snape!   
You're a green chicken curry   
With fragrant jasmine rice!   
  


You're an angel, Professor Snape   
Your heart's easy to extole   
Your brain is full of mysteries   
You've virtue in your soul, Professor Snape!   
An “O” grade from you   
My most ambitious life goal!   
  


You're a hot one, Professor Snape   
You have dynamite in your smile   
You have all the tender warmth   
of a jumper in argyle, Professor Snape!   
Forced to choose between the two, for you   
I’d walk five hundred miles!   
  


You're a kind one, Professor Snape   
You're a cutesy-wootsy reindeer   
A mind full of noble thoughts   
Your soul is so sincere, Professor Snape!   
The three words that best describe you   
Are as follows, and I quote:   
"Steamy"   
"Sexy"   
"Prince"!

 

You saved Potter, Professor Snape   
You're the king of noble deeds   
Your heart's a fiery ember   
You fulfill my every need, Professor Snape!   
Your soul is a beautiful testament   
Overflowing with magic tales   
Of romantic love tragic, unrequited   
You, our expectations exceed!

  
You fascinate me, Professor Snape.   
With your entrancing voice   
Would you teach me subtle science   
Make my body rejoice, Professor Snape!   
You're a buttoned up   
Handsome manwich and   
Witch Weekly’s Outstanding choice!


	8. Run Run Potter

##  Run Run Potter 

 

Out of all the wizards you know who’s the mastermind   
Run, run Potter, Malfoy ain't too far behind   
Run, run Potter, Dark Lord’s going to take you down   
Death Eaters catch the brats, bring in Harry Potter gagged and bound   
Run, run Potter, and soon Hogwarts will be our battleground   
  


Said Voldemort to the purebloods what are you been shouting for?   
All we want for Christmas is Wizarding rule and caviar   
And then away flew Voldemort sparking like a shooting star   
  


Run, run Potter, Dark Lord’s going to take you down   
Brothers catch the brats, bring me Harry Potter gagged and bound   
Run, run Potter, Hogwarts will be our battleground   
  


Run, run Potter, Dark Lord’s going to take you down   
Brothers catch the brats, bring in Harry Potter gagged and bound   
Run, run Potter, Hogwarts will be our battleground  
  


Said Voldemort to the masses: I know how to defy death  
Seven murdered souls sacrificed without regret  
Totally invincible, our Dark Lord flies on North wind’s breath   
  


Run, run Potter, Dark Lord’s going to take you down   
Brothers catch the brats, bring him Harry Potter gagged and bound   
Run, run Potter, or soon Hogwarts will be our battleground   
  



	9. Dumbledore Got Run Over By A Thestral

## Dumbledore Got Run Over By A Thestral

 

Dumbledore got run over by a Thestral  
Walking home from Hogsmeade Christmas eve  
You can say there's no such thing as Thestrals  
But as for the Death Eaters, we believe

He'd been drinking too much eggnog  
And we Confund-ed him to go  
But he forgot how to Apparate  
And he staggered out the door into the snow.

When we found him Christmas morning  
At the scene of the attack  
He had hoof-prints on his forehead  
And incriminating bite marks on his back

Dumbledore got run over by a Thestral  
Walking home from Hogsmeade Christmas eve  
You can say there's no such thing as Thestrals  
But as for the Death Eaters, we believe

Now we're all so proud of Severus  
He acted as our spy so well  
That is him snogging Bellatrix  
Playing truth or dare with Narcissa and Wormtail

It's not Christmas without Dumbledore  
All of Hogwart’s dressed in black  
And Mr Filch can't help but wonder  
Should we open up his gifts  
Or send them back (send them back)

Dumbledore got run over by a Thestral  
Walking home from Hogsmeade Christmas eve  
You can say there's no such thing as Thestrals  
But as for the Death Eaters, we believe

Now the Dark Mark is in the Sky  
Lord Voldemort we revere  
Skeeter reports Potter wet his pants  
They would just have matched the hair on Dumbledore's beard

I've warned all my friends and neighbors  
Better watch out for yourselves  
Never oppose our Dark Lord  
He expects us to obey  
And bow like elves

Dumbledore got run over by a Thestral  
Walking home from Hogsmeade Christmas eve  
You can say there's no such thing as Thestrals  
But as for the Death Eaters, we believe

Singin' Voldemort!

Dumbledore got run over by a Thestral  
Walking home from Hogsmeade Christmas eve  
You can say there's no such thing as Thestrals  
But as for the Death Eaters, we believe

Scary Christmas!


End file.
